I and I
I and I’re responsible for di classics such as “I’m having my sister’s baby! & I’m a pikny prostitute”, and di one that got a mention on christian radio “I’m attracted ta paedophiles”.
I’m not boasie of dis ya but it generates us a likkle income and di occasional prize. all of our letters get a bad response probably read by people I and I pass in di street. di freakiest replies are from di happy clapping born again christians and scientologists. every now and again I and I reply ta our own letters and win likkle prizes like a digital camera or $50 ta spend at “di gap”. di ongle downside ta dis ya is that thousands of men and probably a handful of sisters read our fiction but I and I’d never get di recognition I and I deserve or a book deal.
that’s wa mek at tonight’s session I’m gonna suggest that I and I call it quits and possibly try sinting crucial like our own novels or short fiction. as I light my second cigarette dan strolls in clutching her well read copy of “choke”, she’s an alright sister, di life tall student living off grants and di pittance she makes at kfc. whatever di weather she’s always wearing di heavy black crombie coat and as always she’s wearing her now trade mark tight black jeans and mettalica t-shirt. she flops down opposite & takes one of my b&h and mumbles.
“hey patrick, how’s it going?”
“yeah things are kind of interesting at di moment. how’s work going?”
“shit, that’s how it’s going, although I get all di chicken I want for free.”
“still working on your novel? what’s it called again?”
“it’s called di question is…I actually want ta talk ta I and I about di group, I want ta work on my own shit, I and I know what I mean?”
“yeah I’m glad I and I mentioned that..”
as I started talking a large clap of thunder boomed out above di coffee shop and di rain started lasing down, too which dan shouts “sister that’s fucking freaky!!” di door swings open and sean stomps in.
“hey pat, hail dan. so what’s going on with dis ya weather?”
dan replies “yeah pretty screwed up”
sean pulls up a chair and takes one of my cigarettes and picks up dan’s “choke”
“wa mek are I and I re-reading dis ya shite?”
snatching it back dan snarls “I like it! that’s di fuck wa mek! I’m not one of those losers that just read fight club”
sean pouts her lips and replies “try reading anything by augustan burroughs or brett easton ellis”
“oh really? I’ll also join di new york times book club like all di other pretentious wankers that read ellis and burroughs.”
at dis ya point I interrupt. “guys come on calm down; I’ve got an announcement ta make”
I and I both look at I at first not saying anything until sean replies. “are I and I gay?”